I know that I've been away for a while and haven't written a post in some time, so I'm feeling pretty bad about myself right now. I want nothing more than to give you guys a heartfelt apology, but, I guess I don't know how to craft one that will have you all sympathizing with me and hopefully forgiving me. Luckily though, I know someone who is an expert in this field, having crafted perhaps the most preposterous apology of all time. Before we get into examining the intricacies of such a feat, why don't we start with a brief introduction of todays topic; Jessica Krug.
So I don't want to spend too much time talking about who Krug is and what she's done, I think the numerous articles that I'll link at the end will be more than enough. The gist of it is this; Jessica Krug is a white woman who has spent most of her life pretending to be black. That's pretty much that. She is white, but has claimed to be black and lived her life, shared experiences, and essentially just created a fake persona. At first you may think that this behavior is just wrong and sick, and you'd be right. But it's honestly so much more than that. To say that her actions have led to a deep mistrust in many young students as well as adults and have caused direct harm to actual people of color would be a giant understatement. But that's not what I wanna get into here, if you want to learn more about the consequences of her vile actions, just go ahead and read the articles at the bottom of this post. If you leave now, read those links and don't come back, that's, well it's honestly okay because it still counts as a view for me so get fucked.
What I want to take a minute here to do is just take a gander at her apology. Now I've seen some apology videos, ranging from the classic Hollywood ones to the YouTube ones to even the politician ones. You have the bad, the very bad, and the realllyyy bad. I think the classics include Kevin Spacey admitting to touching minors but it's okay because he's coming out as gay, the Paul brother just being themselves saying committing scams or joking about a suicide victim is fine because they feel sorry about posting it and they'll be sure to apologize when they do it again, and of course Richard Nixon. Don't think that last one needs a lot of explanation.
But man oh man, Krug may have one of the most HORRID apologies. It's a masterstroke in the criminally bad. Like when someone apologizes, you're supposed to feel for them right? But her apology actually made me angrier. Like here's someone who lied their way through life, pretended to be a whole different person, race, background, everything. But you couldn't pretend to be even a little bit sorry for what you did? Like bro the apology should be the easiest part? Just feel bad, that's all. Instead, Krug decides to become the new George R.R. Martin and create a literary drama, using the format of any Intro to Creative Writing class (trust me, this was all fiction anyway). Our favorite Charlie Chaplin impersonator (get it cause like him she's know for starring in black and white), starts of with the best dramatic hook I've read since the first line of A Tale of Two Cities. I mean really, she starts by stating her life is rooted in a "napalm toxic soil of lies". Damn bro, you could have just said you lied, because we get it much like napalm your lie has blown up in your face.
And then her first paragraph is breathtaking. I mean she admits right of the bat to not just lying about being black, but different kinds of black. She went from North African blackness, to US based blackness, to Caribbean rooted Bronx blackness (all her words by the way, I don't know if she was playing the new Avenger's game and trying to collect the racism infinity stones but are we surprised?). And I mean from there, it's just two pages of absolutely nonsense drivel, just the saddest pity party since R. Kelly tried to act like he was the victim. She talks about knowing the difference between right and wrong, and how she knew what she was doing was hurtful to others, and every other sentence is her saying she's a coward and should be cancelled and should be hated blah blah blah. Like woman, don't worry about that. We know you're a sniveling coward with no morals who deserves no place in any sort of a professional setting nor the personal support of any person regardless of race, gender, etc. You are doing us no favors by telling us this. That is by far, in my opinion, the most aggravating part of this apology. It's what really puts it in my top 5 favorite. She feels some incessant need to inform us that we should hate her, that we should cancel her and she'll cancel herself. I don't know how else to put this; we know! We do hate you, we recognize your lack of morals and your blatant disregard for all people of color. You don't have to tell us, and you won't get brownie points. Because if you knew what you were doing was so wrong, you wouldn't have waited till 3 GWU students began to uncover your true past to come clean. If you truly cared about the truth and ending the endless trauma and pain you caused through the years you would have not just admitted to your lie long ago but never have fabricated such a story in the first place.
And man I wish this was it. She has a whole narrative neatly tucked away like a secret weapon about past trauma and mental issues (no specifications) and how therapists have said that is what led to her lying in this way. And just, shut up. Please shut up. Either pull out a doctor saying you have schizophrenia or leave this out. I don't want to speak to much on this as I am not well versed with mental illness enough to speak in a way that is educated and non-offensive, but I'll say this. Even if trauma/mental illness is a reason, it's no excuse. And doing this puts everyone with genuine issues in a bad light for no reason. So miss, please; simply don't.
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